Recently, I've come to feel I'm just exploited by others.
When people around me ask me for some advice, or when they are disappointed about something,
I tend to feel I need to help them.
Every time, I put in the time and effort to live up to their expectations.
That's my nature and I had believed that's a good thing.
But now, I've changed my mind and decided to focus on only myself.
I cannot say what specifically happened to me but, it's not that a certain one event made me think like this.
There have been a lot of things until today, for a long time, which made me feel
disappointed and uncomfortable, especially in terms of relationships with my family and friends.
For example, when my loved one asks me for some advice about his problem, which
sounds really serious. I try every effort to help him and give as much advice or
information as possible, but he only says “Thank you.” That’s all….
Every time such things happened, I felt I was just taken advantage of.
It’s natural that people sometimes get so wrapped up in their own problems that they
cannot have enough energy to be considerate about others.
So I understand they do not have bad intentions behind their behavior. However, if such
things happens repeatedly, then that makes me feel unappreciated.
To be ashamed, since I'm a sort of "people pleaser", I cannot ignore someone who asks
for help, I have repeated the same mistakes countless times.
Now that I think about it, maybe I was always expecting to be thanked by others when
people asked me for help.
When that didn't happen, I would have felt sort of ignored or just exploited.
I could say I have always been betrayed by my expectations.
It's "One-sided relationship".
I tend to care about others too much, thinking of what is happening to someone as my
personal problem.
But no one around me thinks like that, which may cause some sort of stress on me.
Now I completely realized it's better to keep a distance from others' problems.
Even if they ask me for help, or some advice, I would try not to get involved in them
anymore.
Yes, I'm determined to stop being "people pleaser".
"Worrying if my words were not appropriate"
"Feeling rejected by them"
"Feelig ignored by them"
I do want to let go of these negative feelings.
The time wondering about these would make me more vulnerable.
The only way I can be free those kinds of feelings is to stop getting invloved in others'
problem.
Don't lose myself.
(I don't think my English is perfect, so I'm sorry if there are a lot of mistakes.
I needed to get off my chest, and I thought writing about it in English was better than in Japanese.)
