Lately, I’ve been feeling unusually low. I can’t pinpoint the exact reason, but I’ve noticed that I struggle to enjoy things and find it difficult to see anything in a positive light.
One possible explanation might be my English studies.
Both the lessons themselves and the preparation for them have started to feel overwhelming, leaving me with little time or energy to enjoy other parts of life.
Almost all of my free time is consumed by preparing, and I constantly feel the pressure to perform well.
Perhaps this comes from my tendency toward perfectionism.
Whenever I notice mistakes during a lesson, I end up feeling disappointed in myself, thinking, “I should be working harder,” or “My efforts are still not enough.”
The other day, during a discussion about the problem of world hunger, I ended up sharing an inappropriate personal opinion with my teacher. Of course, she didn’t say anything about it, but I worry she might have felt uncomfortable. (I really hope not.)
Even now, I can’t stop dwelling on it.
I kept thinking that if only I had stronger speaking skills, I could have explained my thoughts more accurately, with the right expressions and words to capture the nuance.
Because of this, I fear I may no longer be enjoying the process of learning English, as I no longer feel the same sense of excitement I once did.
Maybe I just need some time to refresh myself. But I can’t help thinking that if I don’t keep working hard, my English skills will quickly decline.
